Julie's Story

"I was anxious. I was a typical Mom rushing around after my kids, my husband and basically enjoying life. Then when Jack was diagnosed with asthma, I was obviously worried. Only now looking back, I can see that my worrying over him began to become almost obsessive. My whole lifestyle started to center on making sure I could control Jack's condition and of course that's not always possible."

"I'm house-proud and like my home to be just so. But with Jack's allergy to dust my new mission in life was to remove every particle of dust from the house! Everything had to be Jack-friendly. We even gave our two cats away and Chloe was just devastated. She blamed me and it really affected how she looked on her little brother."

"Everything changed. James and I were constantly bickering. I was mostly alone at home with the children, and I began having daily panic attacks because I thought I couldn't cope and the fear and frustration would build up inside of me till I panicked. James tried to understand but I couldn't explain to him what I was feeling because I couldn't make sense of it myself."

"First of all I want to say that I love my children. There's no way I would ever harm them. But I started to have these shocking images pop into my head. I'd be standing in the kitchen preparing dinner, with a knife in my hand and I'd suddenly be imagining hurting Jack with the knife, using it on my child. This horrifying picture would come into my head and I couldn't shake it off. It was horrific.

I'd have to leave the room. I felt so guilty, I hated myself. Often I'd end up having a panic attack in the next room, and Jack would be crying out for me but I thought if I went to him, I might go ahead and harm him. I was so scared. And I couldn't tell anybody, not even James, because what kind of Mom wants to harm her child? I then started having similar thoughts about James and my parents and it escalated when I started having distorted sexual thoughts and thoughts about religion and dying – it was truly terrifying."

"I'd check on the children at night to make sure they were ok and looking down at Chloe in bed, I'd picture in my mind how easy it would be to smother her as she slept. I just felt so ashamed. It was spiraling out of control. The more I had these thoughts, the more I felt like an unfit mom and so the more panicky I became and it was just getting worse and worse."

"At first we thought it was some sort of post-natal depression, that and the worry and strain over Jack. We hoped it would just work out by itself. Looking back, I realize that was crazy.

It wasn't until I spoke with some friends and described Julie's symptoms, that they said it sounded like she was suffering from anxiety not post-natal depression. One of them referred us to a psychologist who recommended The Linden Method. And that was the turning point. As soon as Julie started with the Method, I saw changes in her."

"Days into the Method I started to change and now, just weeks later, I'm a different person. I'm a mom again! It got the point that I was scared of being in the house alone with the children, I was so frightened by these thoughts of harming them. I was scared of losing control and one day going through with them.

But then I spoke with a Linden Method Specialist and they explained very clearly that the disturbing thoughts weren't causing my anxiety it was the other way around. She said the disturbing thoughts were merely a symptom of my anxiety and that once my anxiety was cured, these thoughts would just stop. And she was absolutely right!

For months I'd been thinking that if the thoughts stopped, I'd be ok, that way I wouldn't be anxious. So I'd create these elaborate routines, ways of avoiding being around the children where I might start thinking of harming them. And of course, they didn't understand why mommy was pulling away from them; they couldn't understand why I wasn't hugging them any more. But I thought I was doing it for the best, trying to protect them from me.

I now realize that I was letting the anxiety and the disturbing thoughts control me. The Linden Method has shown me that I can take that control back. Now that I'm no longer anxious, the panic attacks have stopped, and so have these thoughts."

"Having felt so out of control for months, I wanted to find a solution that wasn't going to rob me of what little control I did have. I was at breaking point. I knew I had to start behaving like a real mom again. The children deserved that. But I also knew that if I was on tranquillizers or medication, I'd be letting them down. That's why I'd avoided going to see my doctor, because you hear horror stories about people being prescribed medication for years and years. And I didn't want that for me and my family. So the fact The Linden Method is drug free was really important to me."

"Talking with the Linden Method Specialist made me realize how common it is to experience these thoughts. Charles understands because he'd experienced them too. I can't describe how that made me feel! Talking to somebody who KNEW what I'd been going through was so powerful!

The Linden Method helped me see that I wasn't a bad mom. There was nothing deep inside me that was going to see me hurt my children. It wasn't like that at all. The Linden Method showed me that the anxiety was responsible for causing these frightening thoughts, and that the key to stopping them was to end the anxiety.

My relationship with the children is wonderful again, and thankfully there's been no lasting damage with Chloe who was obviously that little bit older and was therefore more aware that something was wrong. James and I are fine again; he's been so supportive since my recovery. And of course Charles I've felt he's always there so that if I have a bad day, I can pick the phone up and speak with him. I couldn't have got to this point without him."